Marmite: You either love it or you tap it

I was going to start my blog with a fascinating fact or five about the invention of the electric chair, but to avoid being labelled a morbid psychopath, I’ll leave that for my second instalment. So: Marmite.

Marmite, beloved of Paddington Bear, be-hated of the French – or at least the ones I know – is a fascinating creature. You either love it or yada yada yada. I’ve just this moment learnt that a 2004 advertising campaign that featured Steve McQueen and half the human race fleeing a huge space-blob made of Marmite had to be pulled because children were getting nightmares. About Marmite. That’s quite some hating.

But I dither. The exciting fact about Marmite – and it really is exciting – is that, when tapped persistently for a few minutes using the side of a knife, it turns white. (Don’t ask awkward questions – I have no idea what possessed someone to discover this.) White Marmite! Try it at once.

This artistic snap shows the result of ten minutes’ tapping. I had to stop before achieving full whiteness as I’d lost the will to live, and the feeling in my arm.

It's interesting science but it looks fucking disgusting. Should you begin to tire, dollop the Marmite into the bin - which is considerably harder than it sounds and renders the entire experiment thoroughly tedious.

(Thanks to Mary for voicing this crucial – not to mention timely – information at a publishers’ networking thing.)